By Ali Mailen Perrotto
Contract Liaison at PCAR
Sometimes I feel like the anti-sexual violence movement gets a bad rap. Don’t think I haven’t heard the grumbles from the back of the room in community presentations, or read the trolling comments on articles about consent. Guess what world? We’re actually not trying to take all of the fun out of sex. In fact, we love sex. We are the biggest proponents of earth-shattering, pleasure-oozing, amazing, yummy sex.
As a peer educator on a college campus many eons ago, I remember that a part of my training was about consent education and the “grey area”. It’s this reality that a lot of times when you talk about consent to a captive but unwilling audience, some pain-in-the-butt in the back of the room will crawl under your skin and present scenario after scenario trying to show how there is ambiguity when it comes to sexual activity and consent. “well what if they did this 10 minutes ago…well what if we are both drinking…well what if the age of consent in my home state is…”, it may sound ridiculous, but it absolutely happens.
So let me speak plainly. If you think you might be in a grey area, then you are not having great sex. Don’t let your standard be just creeping past the line of consent. Don’t whine you way into sex with a lukewarm partner. Don’t make beer your liquid courage to approach someone you think is cute. You can do better. You DESERVE better!
Great sex happens when all involved parties want to be there. Great sex happens when you trust your partner(s) enough to speak plainly about what you want and need. Great sex is not about slowly eeking out a hesitant mutter of consent. Great sex is about enthusiastic and mutual participation. Great sex is fun for everyone!
So this Valentine’s Day, let’s learn about what we want and desire. Let’s spend some time investing in self-love and appreciation. Let’s celebrate our bodies and all that they can do, in every shape and size and color and ability. This Valentine’s Day, invest in some time promoting healthy, passionate sexuality. For the love of sex, we deserve it.